This article is dedicated to all of you who know the depths of agony when walking through this world with a broken heart. If this applies to you, please allow me to begin by telling you something I know with certainty: Your pain will not last forever. Pain is temporary. It may feel as though it will stretch on far into the future and perhaps paint all of your skies grey forever, however that is simply untrue. Your pain will not last forever.
It is difficult to walk through this world alone and with a heavy heart when surrounded by so many agonizing examples of love that others seem to be experiencing. When you’re lonely, happy couples walking hand-in-hand and giggling amongst themselves often feels like salt being poured into a wound, especially if you have a freshly wounded heart. Even those stupid diamond ring commercials seem to unapologetically turn the knife. I was there once. Once my heart was so heavy I could barely muster up enough care to put my feet onto the floor when I awoke in the morning. Now my feet touch the floor with anticipation and celebration for all that is to come.
Someone said to me recently, “You are the comfiest, most disgustingly ‘in love’ person I know, and it makes me very jealous.” That is a horribly unproductive and self-destructive response. Such an attitude will only create a deeper state of darkness, grief and eventually bitterness. Every example of another’s happiness and state of romantic bliss should be inspiring and an example that it can happen for you, too. Do not begrudge or feel envious of another’s state of romantic bliss. The only way you will ever bring love into your life is if you first believe in it and begin to celebrate it. Celebrate the feeling, the commitment between two people and the mere fact that it exists at all, even if it does not yet exist for you in your reality. You must understand and apply this concept before you will ever find the love you want. I’ve been in your shoes, therefore I have real solutions for you. I survived, so open your mind and allow me to tell you how you can, too.
A Broken Heart Is Also a Gift
Yes, a gift. Imagine your broken heart all wrapped up with a big, fat bow around it. Trust me, I know it doesn’t feel like a gift when it is breaking. It may feel like the world is coming to a catastrophic end. You may think, How am I ever going to pull myself out of this? But, the truth is, had I never had bad relationships prior, I would not be capable of appreciating and relishing in the love I now have with my husband to the degree that I do.
We only know the heights of love because we have first been swallowed by the depths of its opposite. We only know safety because we have known what it is like to tremble in fear. We only appreciate truth because we’ve been scarred by dishonesty. We only know acceptance because we have had to hide our faces in shame. We only know victory because we are survivors of tragedy. We only come to know the healing power of true connection because we first felt the pain of rejection.
Life only matters because each of us has an expiration date. This is the reason loving moments are often pulled from the grave, brought to light and felt so intensely after a person dies. The deeper the depths you’ve seen, the more passionate you will one day be capable of celebrating the highest, most glorious and victorious heights. Do you believe me yet?
Happy Independence Day!
You may feel quite unhappy about your precious relationship coming to an end. In fact, you may be devastated, feeling disoriented and as though a part of you is absent. It may feel as though your flesh is being ripped from your body as you sever the ties of codependence. However, I ask that you try to take my words to heart and allow your perspective to expand. This is a special time to dive deeper into the relationship you have with yourself.
The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. In fact, it is the only one which is ever guaranteed. You no longer have any strings, any chains or any unresolved issues binding you to anyone. You are as free as a bird, and this world is now your playground. You’re liberated. The reigns are now in your hands. This is a time to explore, to dream, to experience the magic of going beyond the boundaries of your history and to decide who you now wish to become. This is a time to find your truth. This is a time to consider what shape you would like for your life to take.
Remember: Love Is not Just for Lovers
Life is an exciting ride. There is so much to love about this world. I challenge you to sit down and make a list of things you love about life. It could be the smell of coffee in the morning, the sight of puppies waking up, the feeling of sand beneath your feet, the sensation of a buttery truffle melting over your tongue, the softness of your dog’s fur on your fingertips, the smirk on your father’s face when someone says something stupid, the soothing sensation of someone running their hands through your hair or the taste of your grandma’s chicken casserole. Whatever it is, write it down and allow yourself to experience the amazing feelings that surface as a result of focusing on those things. You will find so much love once you stop looking for things to hate. You will soon discover that love is being served to you on a platter every moment of every day.
Every day above ground is a celebration of life and an opportunity to immerse yourself in love. You are a living, breathing miracle. The fact that you even exist is a miracle. The fact that your brain communicates to all of your organs to function as they do is miraculous and wondrous. You are not only cellular life, but spiritual life. The fact that you are capable of experiencing the emotion of pain is something you should be in awe of. What a gift it is to be capable of experiencing any emotion at all! It means you’re alive. What a gift it is to be chosen to be a living being on this planet. Have you ever thought about yourself this way? You should.
I am asking you, beginning today, to designate an hour every night to the nurturing of your funny bone. Spend an hour on Youtube or Netflix. Call upon your wittiest friend. You are forbidden to view sappy, depressing videos or listen to songs which will allow you to swim around in a pool of heartbroken self-pity and saturate your pillow with tears. Do not engage in negative conversation with negative people, either. You need activities and individuals which will uplift you. I want you to laugh. Laughter is healing. It is medicinal. If you want to heal, you need to experience joy. A guaranteed method of experiencing joy is to laugh. So, give me some tears of joy.
Prior version of this article were published to The Huffington Post and YourTango.