Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by Sephora. Well I have —especially by its ornate ability to drain my bank account faster than one can throw down a Margarita on a summer beach day. Although this addiction rears its ugly head in a variety of ways, the thought of living without its rush is simply unimaginable to me. There are so many reasons why I will never be able to shake my cosmetics addiction. But mostly? I just don’t want to.
Don’t get me wrong, I am most definitely addicted to other things — like Netflix, clothing and delicious food. But I’ve gotten to the point in my life where my Sephora rewards point balance is higher than my actual savings account balance. I don’t foresee the saga every discontinuing. When I go to Sephora, I always start with a plan of attack. “Stay focused,” I tell myself. “Only get what you need, moving quick like a bunny. Get in and and out!”
Who am I kidding? Upon Arrival, my inner dialogue becomes, “Wooooooh! There are so many new things there to play with. Lotions, potions, lipsticks, blushes and brushes, oh my!”
There is this overwhelming feeling of euphoria that completely consumes me as I cross the threshold into this all-too-wonderful beauty abyss. Out of the corner of my eye I catch the product baskets and think, That’s cute. I’m going to need at least three of those.
As the florescent lights beam down over me, I can’t help but hear a choir of angels begin to sing as I zoom into the new eye shadow palette I have long waited to be released. With baited breath, I turn away, for fear if I stare at it for too long, I might disappear like some sort of mythical creature. I slowly move closer for a better look… “Hello you beautiful thing,” I say. “I thought you’d never come.”
As I further examine the specimen, I think of all the looks I could potentially create with it. The options are endless. I don’t need it, mind you, but I should get it, you know, in case I can do something with it that I can’t do with the other 47 palettes I have waiting at home. Into the cute, but not-so-practical little basket it goes!
Throughout my addiction, I have realized that there are many symptoms suffered by the afflicted. We are far from alone. There are some commonly displayed symptoms the majority of those plagued will experience at some point and I’ve listed them, as follows.
1. You cannot leave the cosmetics store without new makeup. Ever.
It’s just not possible. You most definitely don’t need it, but you can’t not buy it. It’s almost like bad juju if you walk out empty-handed. You wouldn’t dare insult the makeup gods in such a way.
2. You may or may not have slightly skewed priorities.
Sometimes you have to use the rationale of “While food is great, the new Laura Mercier foundation will nourish my soul.” To anyone who isn’t as hopelessly addicted as I am, this may sound like the craziest thing you’ve ever heard, but that would be because you just don’t understand. Another phrase I’ve been known to live by is: “Boy, losing you hurt, but losing my makeup bag would be a tragedy.” Maybe a little messed up, but nonetheless true.
3. You compulsively stalk makeup artists, influencers and beauty industry gurus on social media.
And we’re not talking about one or two video tutorials per week. It goes more like, “I’m just going to watch two videos,” but suddenly nine hours has gone by and you may or may not have been late for your shift at work and forgotten a doctor’s appointment — while consumed with watching makeup tutorials. Social media has made it so much easier to virtually learn from the best of the best the industry has to offer, without ever having to leave the comfort of your own sofa. Amazing! Dangerous, but still amazing.
4. You completely understand when they say, “As long as the wings of your eyeliner are even, everything else can be handled.”
Managing to produce even wings is an art form in itself. Once you have achieved that, it literally feels like you can take over the world. Personally I know that when I’m having a good wing day, there is little that can bother me.
5. Rewards programs further feed your cosmetic addiction.
We all know that the more we spend, the more we are rewarded. But this mentality is a constant struggle to the afflicted ones. The store is feeding our addiction by saying the more we buy, the more free samples and discounts we will receive. Now that is just cruel to someone who is trying to get on the “straight and narrow.” Impossible.
6. The word ‘naked’ has an alternate meaning.
Any makeup addict can tell you that the word “naked” has more to do with high-quality beauty products than with actual nudity.
7. Willpower is a joke people tell themselves.
I know I don’t need it, but I see it there on display, looking so lonely. Just waiting for someone to give it a good home. I’m compelled to grant its wish of a fulfilling life where it can be regularly applied, and taken on field trips. So when you think about it, I’m really doing a public service, right?
8. Living in fear of the cosmetic companies’ higher-ups is normal.
There is always a constant fear in the back of your mind that your favorite products might be discontinued. It’s bad enough when your staple product or signature shade is out of stock, but the possibility that it may go away forever and never return at any time is just downright frightful. Forget about the sense of mourning when it finally does pass on to a better place. Straight up immeasurable.
9. Products are like your babies; you could never choose which one you love the most.
It’s crazy to me when people ask me to choose which product is my favorite. I can only equate this ludicrous request to asking a parent of multiple children to pick their favorite. The typical parental response to this question would probably be: “I love them all the same, but in their own special ways,” and I would have to say my response would be eerily similar. I love both my mascara and lip glosses equally, but in different ways. Therefore, a choice would be virtually unachievable.
10. You don’t believe it’s actual hoarding, so long as it’s only makeup.
Many people will consider that you have 17 different nude lipsticks as being excessive, but you know that they are all different and each one plays a special role. It’s also completely normal that you own nine different black eyeliners because, hey, a girl needs options. There are days where a pencil just isn’t the man for the job, and a felt-tipped liner is the only acceptable pinch hitter. Thus the importance of having both!
If at least half of the above resonate with you, nobody understands you more than I do. My name is Christina, and I am proud to be among the afflicted makeup addicts of the world!